There have been more spectacular evening skies - like a little compensation for the shorter days in this last long march towards the Solstice... There is still ice along the lane; sometimes just a little slick, unnoticeable, to slip on as you walk, sometimes a puddle, shattered like glass, small triangles thrown outward to freeze again in some other spot... The morningtimes are glorious too, but I have to confess that the cold has a tendency to keep me in bed - cuddled up with FB with the blankets pulled up to our ears until we have no choice but to brave the world for pees, clothes, breakfast...

My days spin on through work and domesticity and the huge efforts of concentration it feels like it takes for me to feel even vaguely on top of things. It will get easier, I know, but dear me, it feels like hard work just now! Coming home in the dark and the cold and feeling like sleep but there's a small person to play with, bellies to fill, washing, dishes, cleaning to be done, hot water bottles to fill, stories to read, kisses to be had... I feel there's too little room left for creativity - either for myself or room to come up with exciting things to share with FB. It'll come, it'll come, I have only to catch my stride and settle into a new order.

FB has been poorly - we both have suffered today with the minimal sleep we managed last night until he finally gave up late this afternoon and climbed up onto my knee and allowed his poor, hot little body to relax onto mine and his watery eyes to close. My heart reaches out to him - those flushed cheeks set on a sad, pale face, his lips sore and cracked from licking and rubbing, and his nose chapped from wiping the almost permanent canldes of snot there... His breath rattles in his chest and he snores softly, uncomfortably... My poor boy... And yet it can feel such a joyous treat to have him there, his little body against mine, his hot face pressed against my chest, to be able to watch him sleep, to stroke his head, to just be with him without needing to think, or respond to anything or do or be anything at all - just me holding my boy, being nothing but his mother, nothing but Love... Why would I want anything more?